We all live in our own version of reality. It is the only reality we will only truly know, but to be successful in life, each of us needs to make an effort to understand other people’s reality. This is what empathy is: an active attempt to understand another person’s perspective and emotions.
I wrote this article to help you bring empathy back into your awareness so that you can maintain and build stronger relationships. Whether it’s your best friend or someone you just met, these strategies work for anyone you interact with.
Step 1: Be Observant of Others
With the constant buzzing of our technology, we have become a culture focused on ourselves. Put down your smartphone and notice what’s happening around you. Look at each person near you and observe what they are doing, feeling, and saying without making judgments. While you don’t know what people are exactly thinking, imagine the world from their perspective. Ask yourself:
- How is their day going?
- How are they feeling?
- What could they be experiencing in their life?
Have a genuine interest in this person’s well-being, and you are on the first step to building your consciousness around empathy.
Step 2: Use Active Listening
Have you ever formulated a response when the other person is still talking? When you do this, you are not fully paying attention as a listener and you are missing verbal and non-verbal cues as to the other person’s state. This can be more like verbal combat instead of an equal exchange of ideas.
To become an active listener is to slow down, not rush through the conversation. Instead of rushing to reply, take a moment to understand the person’s statement. Ask follow-up questions to better understand what the speaker intended. Try to understand their emotional state and the deeper motivations behind their words. Ask yourself:
- What life experiences brought them to their current point of view?
- How might have this person’s point of view developed over time?
- What is their motivation for telling you this now?
These questions are a good starting point to truly focus on the other person. While you will most likely not know the exact answers, your hypotheses are attempts at understanding the other person’s reality. Remember, you can empathize with someone even though you might disagree with their point of view.
Step 3: Share your perspective
Learning more about other people’s experiences is a key element to building empathy, but to build a true connection, it’s important to open up about your feelings and experiences. Empathy is a two-way street built on mutual understanding.
From uncovering someone else’s experiences and expressing our own underlying concerns, we often find a shared commonality even with those who hold different beliefs than ours. Here are some questions to bring empathy to your responses:
- How do you relate to what the other person just said?
- What might the other person be feeling now?
Formulating your response while thinking of these questions is a good start to bringing empathy to your conversation.
A world without empathy
Empathy is lacking quite a bit in our society. People classify others as “those people”, “the problem” or even “the enemy,” which causes disparity, hatred and sometimes war. These lines in the sand prevent us from moving forward or growing. This cuts us off from our shared human experience. Take an active stance on building inclusive relationships as living a life without empathy destroys us all.
Remember: we have much more in common than we think, and really see just small variations of the same reality.